Are there Gossips among Us?

A recent situation that I’ve been into made me to study further of this one of the most dangerous sins in our life - Gossip. 

Gossip is so subtle and ambiguous - many are unable to recognize it, including myself, so join me and let’s take a deeper look on this harmless chit-chat that pumps a little excitement in the air of a boring office, classroom, neighborhood or anywhere conversation.

So what is Gossip?

Gossip has been defined as an idle talk or compulsive chattering and news-mongering, including the spreading of groundless rumor. It is a ticking bomb of rumors, innuendos, half-truths, and hurtful truths. However it is not always hostile or malevolent.

It might be true or false, either way we’re wrong to share them and when we do, we rob the person involved. Gossip is stealing. If false it’s stealing their good character. If true it’s taking away their right of privacy and ownership of their own story.  If someone is unexpectedly pregnant – no need for you to spread it, she will tell it to the world and she will announce it to her family and friends, including you. It’s her news to share, not yours to ponder aloud. If the couple’s relationship is on the rocks and gets separated, it’s their announcement to make (or not). If they don’t make it, it’s not yours to take from them and announce it.

And what the Bible tells us about Gossip?

It says the tongue is our worst enemy. "The tongue is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole person," (James 3:6)

In the book of Romans, Paul includes gossip among the sins of murder, envy, greed, deceit and malice. He said "those who do such things deserve death."

Proverbs offers several verses on the subject. A gossip "betrays a confidence" (11:13) and "separates close friends" (16:28). Proverbs 18:8 says, "The words of a gossip are like choice morsels; they go down to a man's inmost parts."

When we say mean things about others, we're inflicting emotional pain on them. Instead of punching them in the nose, we're shooting daggers into their heart.

As Christians, we're supposed to honor God in all areas of our lives and walk like Jesus Christ. Talking negatively about friends or strangers does not show Christ's unconditional love. We should and must stay clear out of it to protect ourselves and others from its collateral damage.

So, what should we do when we encounter gossip?

1. Speak out. Kindly but firmly tell your friends gossip is hurtful and that no one benefits from it.

2. Be positive. Turn the conversation around by saying something nice about the person being talked about and lastly…

3. Walk away. Don't be part of the problem by sticking around to listen.

Gossip in the church

You've probably heard gossip everywhere—at work, in school, in the mall, on social network. How about in our church? You'd think stuff like this wouldn't happen in church sanctuaries or group meetings, right? Wrong, unfortunately. And the scary thing is we may not even realize it. Gossip may not be as blatant at church as it is at work or school, but it can still show its ugly face.

For example, one of your friends tells you her problem, or someone has serious issues in life, and she asks for prayer. Do you find yourself wanting to notify the church prayer group and any other Christians, who are close to you? Anyone you can think of—all with the seemingly good intention of just wanting a chain of prayer for your dear friend?

Unfortunately, we've all been guilty of gossip at one time or another—intentional or not. Based on what I’ve searched, if you encountered something like this - stop, drop and …

1. Resist the urge. She confided in you, not the entire church congregation. Don't break her trust, even if it's for something as apparently good as a prayer request.

2. Pray. Get on your knees and do as your friend asked—talk to God and ask for guidance.

3. Talk to your friend. Ask your friend if she'd like you to share her prayer concern with anyone else, and if so, who? Talk to her before you disclose any personal information.

And sometimes we've all been the victim of it too. How should we react when we discover a trusted friend has been saying mean things about us?

Yes, it hurts, but it has hope. You can do several things.

1. Go to God. Talk, cry, or scream— whatever it takes to resolve your feelings and hurt. Just hand it over to him.

2. Forgive. You can only do this by the grace of God. And you need to—no matter how difficult it is.  You can read   Matthew 6:14-15 for some help.  Forgive your friend first in your heart even if she/he doesn’t deserve or ask for forgiveness. Ask God for guidance and healing.

3. Confront. When your emotions are under control, tell the person or people, in a Christian manner, how their words made you feel.  Then tell them you forgive them. Hopefully, this will help you move on with your friendship. Sure, things were a little tense at first, but after a while everything will be back to the way it was before.

So, how do we know if we’re spreading gossip or sharing legitimate news or concern about the other person?

If you’re sharing a story and you’re not part of the plot, the problem, or the solution, its gossip. That’s the perfect summation.

Serious Matter

However, sometimes serious offenses happened which cannot be solved between individuals. Things that we cannot face or solve alone and gone out of control.

Should we 'report' the matter? Would this be a case of gossiping about the gossip?

At this point we must ask for help and 'tell it unto the church' (Matthew 18:17).

Satan is very clever and creative – he will do anything to create havoc and confusion in the body of Christ. Satan will whisper into the ear of every believer "keep the gossip within yourself; remember it is not right to gossip".

But think of this - If we saw a seriously injured individual bleeding in the street, would we not call an ambulance? If we saw a terrorist planting a bomb on our church premises, would we not raise the alarm? It would be very wrong not to do so, and to protect a gossip is just as bad. Satan is all smiles with satisfaction and evil delights seeing Christian’s getting quiet, protecting sinful conduct, or ignoring issues - including gossiping. So, ask for help. If the high crime of gossip breaks out and  injure a fellowship, it is high time for members to talk to the church officers and do necessary action.

With all that – Let’s keep all of these in mind on how to deal with gossip, whether we’ll be as a recipient or a participant.  

But more importantly let us learn more about God's love, so we’ll learn how to love others and the importance of fellowship and encouraging others—and that never includes gossip.

May your life be gossip and rumor free and may you be blessed from above every day! Be kinder than necessary, and share with the world something only you can give them, you…at your best!

'Wherefore laying aside all malice, and all guile, and hypocrisies, and envies, and all evil speakings' (1 Peter 2.1). Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice'  (Ephesians 4.31). Because 'Nor revilers…shall inherit the kingdom of God' (1 Corinthians 6.10).

I've learned my lesson,

Analou

Praying Out Loud

“Can you please lead the prayer?” 

As a Christian we’re often ask to pray. When I was newly baptized I turned down some opportunity to pray, yes I said “No”, shame on me. I said no because I was so shy, I am a nervous wreck, and I don’t feel adequate or spiritual enough to pray. I feel it hard to pray out loud. 

Why is it so hard to pray out loud? Was it because of the audience? 

We may be afraid of speaking in front of people.  A survey discovered that people’s number one fear is public speaking—ahead of the fear of death! Add the fact that we do not want to say something senseless.

I guess simply because it’s Out. Loud. There are people present. They’re listening, and they all seem to know exactly what to say to God. They know how to pray, they don’t stumble over their words, and they seem to find a way to come up with a beginning, middle, and end on the spot. We may have heard somebody pray in such an amazing way that we thought—I could never ever do that! To put it short we’re more intimidated than embarrassed.

     If you are frightened of praying aloud, it’s OK! Many people are. Count me in. Even I sometimes lost for words. Praying out loud is being vulnerable and pouring your heart out and it is open for all to see and hear but - praying is laying your heart out to God.

Here are some tips that could help us, yes US, because even I practice this tips, because like you I am not yet good in praying out loud. 

1. Remember you are talking to our heavenly Father, not the people around you. Prayer is a conversation between you and God. He is always pleased with your prayers.

2. If you have a moment, pause before you pray out loud and then pray (in your head) and ask God to lead you in the prayer.

3. Prepare by praying out loud when you are alone. It won’t seem so awkward later when you do it in front of others.

4. Jot down a few thoughts, ideas, or specific requests on a piece of paper and use it as a focal point to guide your prayer. I have a personal prayer notebook because I know I am better in writing out my feelings than saying it into words.

5. Pray with one or two friends or family members.

6. Keep it simple and short. I’m not saying that long prayer is not a good idea, but you’ll get there. Also we can never forget one of the most popular examples of a short prayer, spoken by the thief on the cross that caught our Lord’s attention. He simply said,

“Jesus, remember me when You come into Your kingdom" (Luke 23:42, NIV).

7. Be yourself. Talk like you talk. Share what is on your heart. Simply Be You.

8. Do it again and again and again. Being an expert takes time, not talent and practice helps us grow.

9. Volunteer to pray, don’t wait to be asked and caught unprepared. Go first—dive in!

10. If you are feeling very nervous or emotional while praying, it’s OK to acknowledge that you can’t put your thoughts into words.

In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness, for we do not know how we should pray, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with inexpressible groaning’s. (Romans 8:26)

God wants to use you in prayer with others. There is power when we pray out loud. People are encouraged and lifted when they hear our prayers. God longs to hear His children pray.

I wish you fantastic success and growth. Getting closer to God, our Heavenly Father, is a lifelong process, in fact, it's an eternal process. Therefore this is not a sprint, it's a marathon. The rewards, like in any worthwhile endeavor, far, far outweigh any effort that is required.

Standing up by kneeling down,

Analou

What other tips would you offer?