I started writing when I was in high school and then blogging in college.
I've lost count of how many posts I've written and blog I've managed.
There's Luna's Lake (about my high school and college life), Princess Attic (my Korea & Japan craziness), and few little blogs here and there and finally this- Off the Beaten Path.
There was a time in my crazy blogging life when blog statistics - the number of my visitors or web traffic really matter to me. A whole lot. I do fret about numbers.
It affects my mood in writing; I get inspired whenever my post has been reached by so many readers. Have they liked, inspired, informed, and awed by it? An old familiar needy friends called Affirmation and Success creeped in. My stats go sky high together with my ego and pride.
Then I get gloomy and sulky when no one seems to notice or appreciate my piece. I sat and looked at my low stat meter feeling small, feeling worthless, feeling depress.
Humans are like that. Need to gain every one’s approval. Need to be validated. Need to be appreciated.
Then before I know it I get tired and I cannot write. I thought I was having a writer’s block.
It wasn't until now that I realized the real reason for my lack of ability to write is - my Heart.
My heart was not full of God. It was full of Myself.
How many followers do I have? Hundreds? Thousands? Millions?
And then I've read His story - a story of a Man who has only 12 followers and down to 11 when He lost one.
That story alone brought me to my knees and burst into tears and humbled me.
His grace woke me up and emptied my heart from foolishness before it’s too late.
And His life will always keep me grounded.
Starting today I will not care if I have a follower or none.
I started this new blog because I couldn't dare keep quiet about the miracle that God wrote in my life and not because I want to be praised but to praise Him.
He delivered me from darkness into the loving arms of my new friends and family and especially into His loving arms. Wherein I am forever be grateful.
And to start my journey and to rebirth my blog - I’m excitedly taking it to the next level.
How? By taking down my sitemeter (page visit counter) or stat meter and the number of followers. I’m not going to live in numbers anymore, because I’m writing for the only One. Who knows my article even before I write, post, or publish it. All of my work will be praise for Him.Walking and writing my life as one of my worship to Him.
Yes maybe what I am writing is just purely my story – My messed up life which trying to live each day by His standard. Though my writing is probably “too Christian” for unbelievers and “not Christian enough” for some people of faith but this is all I humbly have as of now.
Sometimes I wonder if it’s worth it,will it work, will it matter? Doubts growing in. Sometimes our enemy throws everything he can to silence us.
Satan likes love to take something good and twist our hearts, and making a servant of God, into his slave.
Add the fact that staying on this course and the intention He placed in my heart has been a challenge. I’m blogging from my heart, my feelings, and my experience, and this challenges me to make it less NOT about me but MORE ABOUT HIM.
I know there were other bloggers out there writing to serve the heart of God. I knew they wrote – and I knew they were gifted – and I knew that God was indeed honored. I wonder if they fought the same fight to move beyond the “me” and into “Him”.
As I pray for every word that I typed, for every topic that I weaved, and for every message that I wrote, for every story that I shared, and for every bit of me that I peeled. Those words were not from me but from Him and if by chance one soul was touched by my story – it will be because of His grace and not because of me. Because each word I type was from Him and for Him...
“You are always a success when you are serving because the way to be great in the upside down kingdom is not climb higher but to go lower.”
– Ann Voskamp
Join me as I’m taking my blog, my writing life, and my service to a humbly next level - by not jotting down numbers but worshiping Him by words.
May we walk our life as our worship to Him
and take our Christian life to a higher level.
And the next level is to go lower – to humble ourselves further.
Because the only way Up is going Down.
In precious name of Jesus. Amen.
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